Thursday, July 31, 2008

Thoughts for Thursday: Mean Girls

After having Peanut Butter, I've noticed that girls can be just plain mean. I don't know if it is because females are just more social on the whole or what. I've noticed more girls relishing in the "we're not going to play with you." "That's mine." and the like. I don't see this as much with the boys that are playing, they seem to be more open to joiners and as long as getting dirty is the plan, they are all in. Is it something in the female DNA that gives us a tendancy to be socially mean? Is there wiring that makes us want to exclude a single person to make us feel better?
I know growing up I dealt with the "we're not your friend this week." "We're going to be mad at you for no other reason than because we can be and like to see you wonder why." I'm sure I even participated in someway or another at some point, but I related more to Winonas character in Heathers than a Heather. There were many a time I wondered, "What's your Damage?" This is probably why I ended up having more guy friends in high school. You never had to please them, they were just your friend. Sure guys have their bullies, but girls seem to go for the jugular when it comes down to it. Just take a look at sample of books on this topic
Queen Bees and Wannabees
Queen Bee Moms and Kingpin Dads
Mean Girls Grow Up
Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Aggression in Girls
Why do we feel the need to stomp on others to climb the social ladder? Is there any way out of this? I don't know, It seems to be prevalent through out time. I may have to check out a few of the books and prepare myself for the coming years.

Other TFTs


Michelle Leigh said...

This is hard. I never thought I was mean to anyone. I did see it a lot though. For example, when I started dating my husband, his ex girlfriend tried to turn several girls against me. Bri and I started dating months after their break-up and as I recall, she ditched him so what was the deal? Girls can be so evil and luckily I can say that was all left behind in high school. I am terrified for my girls to have to go through that. I just really hope that they grow up to be nice girls and learn that just because someone hurts you, it's not ok to hurt others. I think that mentality creates strong women.

Poltzie said...

I've never thought about this as a mother. The Queen Bea Moms book made me realize that I am going to have to deal with these types of women for Chicken's sake. Eek! I better get that book!

Dana said...

I love this topic, and it is one that I wanted to blog about. I am having the same issues with my 9 yr old. There is one particular girl at school (Clara) who is jealous of Jasmine's best friendship with Dominika. Clara will do anything to Jasmine and any of the other girls who try to get close to Dominika. Clara has even lied to the teachers and to Dominika to damage the friendships and get other girls in trouble so they can't be near Dominka... it's not pretty.

I did have a tendency to be mean to people when I was younger, and was also the target of other mean people. As I got older, and almost immediately after having Jaz, things changed and that part of my life was over.

Girls are terrible, mean, jealous and catty. Which is a huge reason why I don't like girls. I am terrified of Jasmine getting older and dating, and stuff. She's only 9 and already has these problems with other girls, I cannot imagine what things will be like in 4 or 5 years.

Leslie Collins said...

Girls are mean and it scares me having a girl to deal with this topic.

Denise said...

That is a tough subject for any girl whether they be the "Heather" or they be the "Winona". BTW I love that show!

I think that you just have to teach your girls to be confident in who they are and try not to care what others think. My niece has dealt with this quite a bit and I always felt so bad for her. I just kept telling her to play witht he girls that were nice and not try to be friends with the girls that were mean. I told her to ignore those mean girls and eventually they stopped being mean. She now has a few really good friends and a self esteem that I admire.

Good post!

jessica said...

i also had many more male friends than female because i just didn't 'get' the drama and the meanness... and i was many times the 'victim' of a mean girl or two or three by association with someone they were 'hating' that week. thankfully it lessens and has gone away in adulthood but i agree with denise - teaching our daughters to be strong and not petty and have confidence in themselves will go a long way. good thought!

kim said...

Oh my GOSH!! Girls can be cruel. In high school I had a mouth on me so I really didn't get bothered much but I did see other girls get treated horribly.
Last year my 16 year old cousin had a group of girls that were her friends with her one day and hated her the next. They made her life hell. They even got violent.
I think it has a lot to do with how you are raised.
Just my thoughts.

Anonymous said...

I read this yesterday, but had to think about it for a bit before commenting! Girls can be mean - for so many reasons - and I don't think that it is going to get much better as time goes on. It seems that more and more girls and women are being taught that they need to be soft and feminine, but also strong, self-sufficient, and independent - quite often those things conflict each other. It is certainly not an excuse, but I sometimes wonder if some of the mean behavior isn't a bit of a defense mechanism . . . the whole 'I have to be strong and appear tough, so I am going to be a bitch.'

I am going to continue to think about this one and look into some of those books! Very good post.