Thursday, May 26, 2011

My A-Ha Moment

Yes, Oprah went off the daytime syndicate yesterday. No, I didn't watch. But Oprah has a thing called and "aha moment" which is a moment in which something all becomes clear. After getting some advice from two different people over the last couple days, I had and aha  moment. 

A dear friend emailed me and told me to remember that while going through a divorce, we are quick to always want to put the kids first and do things for the kids. He said remember that you have to put YOU first. You have to do the things necessary to keep your sanity, health, happiness to be able to have a good environment for the kids. It is easy to lose sight of that sometimes.

Another bit of wisdom I received was, you can't control what you can't control. So simple, yet a huge obstacle in what I am going through right now. I spend so much time and energy worrying about what I cannot control, no mater how much I would like to control it. I cannot control someone else's feelings, motivations, actions, or the like. They are going to do what they are going to do and to try and control or interject in to those actions is most likely futile. So instead of banging my head against the wall and hurting myself further, I am letting go of what I cannot control. This is my new mantra, "I cannot waste time and energy on what I cannot control." Let's just hope I can keep telling myself this.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

5k #2 in the Books

Last month I took in a runners clinic at the hospital to try and get some tips. Hip stretching was about the most useful thing I took away, but my $20 clinic fee also registered me for the Nurses 5k.  This past week I had a decent run on Monday and then the weather stopped cooperating again. Wednesday it poured so I gave Jillian's 30day shred level 3 everything plus, since I had a crappy day, and then I said to myself I have to a least run on Thursday or I will die on Saturday. Well, it was 80 degrees and after it has been only in the 50s the past month it may as well have been 110 degrees. I also got a new pair of shoes to break in. Lets just say Thursday's run was a epic fail. My legs were so tight from Jillian that I had to stop a mile in and stretch my hamstrings out, which didn't help, my shoes started rubbing on the back of my right heel and pinching my left pinkie toe, and I was hot, sweaty, yucky hot. At this point my mental toughness lost it. I had to walk/run the last 2 miles. I did decide that if I was going to walk my run portions were going to be my version of speed work, ie 2 block sprints. It didn't go well, when I walked in the house, J even commented, well how did that work for you.
I began to fret about today, would I even be able to run the three miles. I didn't sleep real well, since when I'm worried I stress about things and don't sleep well. I got to the hospital way earlier than I had to and waited and dwelled on how I was going to do. I saw a guy from work's wife who just did a marathon and though crap, what am I doing here. I saw a Mom from The Boy's baseball team who said she was going to be running too, and I though well, what is the worst you can do, walk a little? I just hoped to finish in 36 minutes.

I ran, I stayed with the baseball Mom for most of the first mile when we hit a hill. When I hit a hill, my mantra becomes charge the hill, beat the hill, conquer the hill, and left baseball Mom behind. I tried staying with two ladies who were in front of me, but somehow they slipped away from me. Then I started getting emotional, thinking about everything that is going on, which I would try and shake off. I was seeking that mile 2 marker and hit it and said the hard part is over there is only a mile left. I then had another emotional bout and came up on the hospital. I saw the end in sight and then a lady passed me and I tried to keep up and then I saw the clock and heck yeah! I finished in 32:35. I was elated. I normally run about 12 min miles. Yes, it is just under 11 minute miles, but it is a lot to me.

Monday, May 9, 2011

It's Just Bread-My Take

My blogger friend Nicole wrote a post called "It's Just Bread" and happened to repost it again. It is about taking on something that you have always wanted to do but were too scared, too busy, too whatever to do it. She mentions me in it. I started running about a year and a half ago and said I don't think I will ever feel like I'm a runner if I don't to a 5K or something. So I did a 5K last November. I am planning to do another on this coming Saturday. I won't be the fastest, I will chug along and finish, hopefully in less that 36 minutes. When she reposted the Bread post today, I had an  "aha" moment as Oprah would say. It spoke to me on another level and while it is great to venture out and do something you have always wanted to do, but made excuses not to, it is also good advice for someone going through a situation they didn't for see coming . That is what it did for me.

Since it is a matter of public record now, I am getting divorced. I didn't really see it coming and the circumstances under which it went down per se, wasn't the best. I am scared of what is happening, I am nervous, I am mad, I am sad, I am a full range of emotions and depending on the day, I'm not always sure how I am feeling. I have days where I don't know how I am going to do this, but it is just bread. I will get through this. I have already found a place to move into. I only wish I didn't have to wait until June 1st. I started packing. I started thinking about what is in store for me. I am preparing to spend days without my Peanut Butter. I am preparing to deal with other things that are surrounding this situation, as much as they hurt me and anger me, I have to deal with them.  I have started to lean on some of my friends for support, something I may not have done before. I will be ok, I will get through this. It may just take some time, but it is just bread. 

Mother's Days

Peanut Butter's 4K class put on a few nursery rhyme skits for Mother's day. Peanut Butter was in Little Miss Muffet.

She was a Spider.

It was really cute. Peanut Butter was so excited for me to see it. It was all she talked about for the week leading up to it. They also made cute dish towels that said, "Mom's helping hands." and had their hand prints on them. It was a fun day.

Saturday PB and I met my Mom and had our nails done. It was pretty chaotic at the salon, but PB did pretty well patience wise. She got pink sparkle nails that she is very proud to show off.

We went and had dinner after and PB's patience had worn off and she was all over the place. My patience was wearing off too by the end of dinner, but it was a nice day with my Mom.

Mother's Day Peanut Butter gave me a big potted flowering plant. She also decided she was going to wear her princess dress all day. I had to practically force her to take a picture with me but she begrudgingly cooperated. 

We went for a little walk and had some ice cream. It was a nice lazy day.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

School of Hard Knocks

Tuesday evening I was doing my form of extreme couponing at Walgreens when Peanut Butter begged for a toy. No, No, No, and then she asked for this:
It was $3.99 and I caved and bought it. PB thought it would be a good idea to take her new found jewels with her to school on Wednesday to show off her riches. She didn't count on someone taking them for themselves. She said she put them in her cubby and they were gone. She said she hid them by her backpack and they were gone. I picked her up today and asked her if she found her crown since Ms. Kaylee was going to look for them last night. And alas, they were gone. We looked for them a bit and then I told PB, I think someone must have taken your set.  I'm sorry, but this is why I don't like you bringing stuff to school, other than show and tell. PB broke down, you would have thought it was a real tiara that her grandmother had left her. She cried and cried. She went on a tirade how Ms. Kaylee says we don't take other people's things and how the person who took her stuff needs to go to jail. I felt so bad for her, I mean she was crushed that someone had taken her crown set, that I drove over to Walgreens and bought another set. Luckily I had just been there and had 3 reward dollars, so I paid $1.24 for it. 

God am I a sucker.