Monday, August 29, 2011

It's a Very, Very Fine House

So, I debated which blog to post this in and as you can see I've picked this one so here goes....

The past couple weeks have been unbearably hard. I went through a week where I was mad, ragey mad. I don't know if it is the onslaught of having the divorce become final next month compiled with Peanut Butter's birthday. I started obsessing over the house. How dare them take the house from me? I put good money into that house and she just waltzes in and takes over. I think how my place is so inadequate, what was I thinking? I have no idea where it is all coming from. I really didn't want the house, getting something monetary out of it would have been nice, but since we owe more that it is worth that isn't happening. I meet with my head shrinker and tell her I don't get what the deal is, my obsession with the house, I can't afford the house, the house needs so much done to it, the house is just a reminder of us. She said what does it represent to you and "ding" we have a winner, it was a home, it was happy, safety, family, it represented so much in that matter, and the fact that it is Peanut Butter's home and I moved out of it. That and someone wasted no time moving into it. 
I know my place isn't a palace and I know it isn't quite home yet, it is hard. It is hard to hear my baby say, "Mama someday you get a new house." Someday I will, but for now I have to make due with what I have. A nice little place in a nice quiet neighborhood that needs paint. 


Laura said...

Thinking of you and hoping that your place becomes your home soon.

KimBerly said...

If the house is in both of your names doesn't he have to buy you out?

Kat said...

Oh man. That is so hard. I can imagine there is a lot of anger there. It is understandable.

Do you have a good lawyer? Cuz I think you should still be getting money for the house even if there is more owed on it. ???

Hang in there!

Anonymous said...

I was going to ask the same question as Kim . . . if it is in your name, aren't you entitled to half of the value, regardless of what is owed on it?

I tend to cling to material/inanimate ~things~ that I have assigned meaning to because in a world where so much changes, so quickly, those things are often easier to keep around. Someday you will have a home that you are happy and satisfied and proud of, and that will rebuild all those feelings that your home with J had.

Lesle Alvarado said...

Wherever you and your darling daughter are together is home. :hugs: